


After the Fact

by Sour_Girl



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Cal is just a love sick guy with bad luck ok, Chubby Cal, F/M, Interspecies Romance, Nightsister Reader, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Yeah you read that right and I'm only a little ashamed, please don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sour_Girl/pseuds/Sour_Girl
Summary: With the Holocron mission over with and Merrin returned to Dathomir to rally the remains of her people, Cal and the Mantis crew have been bereft of things to do for quite some time, but none have suffered as much as the young Jedi himself.  In an attempt to pull him out of his slump, a decision is made to check in with Merrin and hope for a new quest... But when things don't work out as planned, the group is instead given you, a promising Nightsister warrior, looking for new lands and creatures to learn from and conquer with Cal assigned as your guide.As the two of you traverse familiar planets, trust and feelings begin to evolve, but there's just one thing... Can the devout Jedi knight succumb to his growing feelings for you, and even if so, can a Nightsister learn how to love a human?Force knows.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Reader, One-sided Cal Kestis/Merrin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: This fic is about to be 80% sin and blasphemy, and 100% self indulgence. 
> 
> With that out of the way, I just want to both thank and apologize to anyone who actually does read this. So thanks, and sorry, but above all, enjoy.

Greez wandered down from the small botanical display towards the helm of the ship, going about his usual business, only stopping to do a double take as he passed Cal on the common area couch. _That’s it._ He liked to think he was a man of great patience, but it was running thin. “Hey, do you think you could go easy on the food stores kid? You’re eating us out of ship and home!”

Cal sat leasurily slumped on the long couch, munching absentmindedly on more food. With the holocron mission over, Sister Merrin returned to her homeworld, nowhere to go, nothing to do, and far too much weighing on the young Jedi's mind, it wasn’t long until he found other hobbies to occupy himself with. After all, why not? It was something to do, technically, but more importantly it helped him feel less hollow now that there was nothing much else to distract him. At first it was nice to have something to do while he reflected on his travels or what he possibly wanted to do next, but soon enough the distraction became a habit. 

A habit that was starting to show.

“I’ll get us some more”, Cal whipped his mouth and sat up a little straighter, attempting to disguise his noticeably protruding stomach.

“Pft _‘us’._ Yeah well I hope by ‘us’ you mean me and Cere, because lately it's all been going to _you_ ”, Greez pointed a finger accusingly, his ears flattening in agitation.

“ _What’s that supposed to mean?_ ”

“Cere, back me up!”

Before the sentence had hardly left the Latero’s mouth, the hissing of a door interjected, followed shortly by the ex Jedi herself, “Since the two of you won’t let me meditate in _peace_ , will you please at least tell me what you’re yelling about?”

Cal tried to speak for himself, but was cut off immediately by Greez, “Could you please give the bottomless pit over there some Jedi wisdom or whatever about _not_ eating every last crumb on _my_ ship?”

Cere sighed and rubbed at her growing headache, before turning back to the pilot. “You interrupted my meditation for _this?_ ” Greez prepared to list of every last reason as to why his actions were justified, but Cere simply held up a hand to silence him before focusing on Cal. “Cal…”

The man in question gestured in his defense, “What, I said I’d get more!”

Greez walked off, leaving the two Jedi to discuss, as Cere approached and took a seat. Cal polished off the remains of what he’d been eating, while his mentor leaned in for a more personal approach. “Alright Cal, it’s time to tell me what’s bothering you. We both know you’re not acting like yourself lately and this”, she gestured impartially to his newly developed belly, pressing against the already altered rigger’s suit, “isn’t like you”

“I don’t know, _it’s nothing_ ”

“Cal”

With something of an agitated sigh, Cal swung around to face Cere squarely, “Look, _I don’t know._ I just feel… lost for purpose, I guess. Back on Bracca I was waiting for the Order to find me, then when I met you guys, we set out to build a new Order, and now we’re not doing _anything_ ”, he threw up his hands in frustration.

Cere rested her hand on his shoulder, “I understand Cal, but you can’t let your feelings envelope you like this… There has to be _something_ you can find to do”

“ _Like?_ ”

She was silent for a moment, but came up with an idea before Cal could snidely interject, “Why don’t we go check in with Merrin? It’s been a while, and I’m sure she’d be glad to see you again”

Cal considered the suggestion, unsure of what to think or feel on the subject. It was true, it had been quite some time since they’d seen one another, and yet that was part of the problem too wasn't it. Suddenly he found himself feeling quite self conscious. The only reason she’d even asked to be returned to Dathomir was to rebuild her coven from a few of the scattered Nightsister acolytes that still remained. And what had he done with himself in all this time? Nothing. And the proof currently sat in his equally expanded lap.

But then… Well, how desperate _was_ he? Despite everything, even he knew that he needed something, _anything_ to do instead of spending his time eating and dwelling on his own boredom and troubles. Besides, it wasn’t as though he was out to impress her. At least, not anymore. Once, he tried to see if she was interested in something more between the two of them, but he was shot down promptly. To this day, he still wondered if that wasn’t what did it, to send her away...

“You know what, I think that _would_ be a great idea”, Cere made up Cal’s mind for him, calling out the Greez with a new destination in mind. There was a little back and forth about hesitations to return to the dreaded red planet, but soon enough the course was set and the journey began.

\---

Cal strode calmly along the stoneway, taking note at the surprising lack of hostility. Well, relatively speaking. He hacked his way through a few spiders, but there didn’t seem to be any Nightbrothers or undead Nightsisters around to speak of.

“Merrin? ...Merrin!” No response, but worth a try he figured.

A little bit of jumping and climbing later, he finally got to the climbing wall before the temple. Cal huffed a few breaths, bracing himself for the effort he was about to exert. With a final leap, he made it and with a little more difficulty then it should’ve taken him, he finally heaved himself up onto solid ground.

BD-1 beeped curiously while Cal pulled himself up from his knees, trying to hide how hard he was breathing. “Well… My pride’s a little hurt”, Cal took one big breath and let it go raggedly before finally righting himself, “But yeah, I’m fine” BD beeped affirmatively, and the two were on their way again.

With only a short walk to the temple, Cal tried calling out again. He waited a few moments, walking on but heard nothing still. He traded a look with BD before breathing deeply for a second wind.

“Cal Kestis” A female voice, echoed eerily by a deep booming one, filled the cavernous space, heralding a green flash as Sister Merrin manifested behind him. Cal whipped around, letting out the breath he hadn’t been able to use. Without a second’s hesitation, Merrin ran up and pulled him into an embrace, too fast to give him a chance to suck in his stomach. As if in response, the Nightsister let go a little too quickly from the surprise, but tried to recover the mistake with pleasantries.

“You look… good”, she took a few steps back and held him nearly at arms length. Merrin managed a smile, but it wasn’t nearly enough to mask the strangled “compliment” she’d tried to give.

In the interest of moving the conversation forward, Cal pushed down the feeling of rejection and continued, “...And you look the same” He smiled about as convincingly as Merrin herself had, but luckily she didn’t seem to be paying close attention.

“Yes, well, I’ve been busy”, she released his shoulders and straightened her outfit. She turned and beckoned to a shadowy figure a few paces back. “Sister, this is Cal Kestis”

The Nightsister glided forward with poise, lowering her hood and half mask in one fluid movement. She nodded cordially, giving Cal a moment to study her face. Her skin and hair were roughly the same grey and white as Merrin's, with similar but unique dark grey tattoos adorning her face and highlighting her lovely features and bright, intense eyes. 

Cal inhaled sharply, making sure to rest his hands on his hips in an overall attempt to look at least a little leaner. He cleared his throat and itched gently at his cheeks, praying desperately that his pale skin hadn’t betrayed his easily flusterable nature yet again. “Uh, _hi_ ”, he cleared his throat harshly, coughing a little, to do his best to cover up his voice crack.

You tilted your head slightly in examination, saying nothing. Either obliviously or mercifully, Merrin intervened, “Sister, a moment please” You bowed your head respectfully and backed into a green mist, vanishing silently.

Merrin turned back to Cal, and beckoned him onward towards the temple entrance. She talked along the way, catching up with him but never breaking that same serious, deadpan manner of speaking he always remembered her by. Cal’s hopes climbed as the two of them carried the conversation past the threshold and out into the landing.

 _Maybe she didn’t mean to treat him so awkwardly. After all, just because he was an old friend wasn’t an excuse for her to break her image as the pseudo leader in front of one of her followers._

Once the basic catching up was done, in the interest of both being polite and carrying on the conversation, Cal asked about you, the “other Nightsister” who’d been with her just moments ago. Merrin cracked a slight smile, starting off by giving your true name before beginning to explain that you were one of her most promising acolytes. Equally proud of both you and herself, she related how she’d discovered you far below on the surface, surviving with a few others of your tiny coven in the desolate forest. Finally, she ended the tale with the information that she’d brought the one’s from the surface and a few others around the ruins here to this temple, all of you training each other to the best of your abilities in what little knowledge they possessed of their own traditional magicks.

Cal listened patiently, nodding politely here and there. When she was finished, he took a minute to process everything before adding his own voice to the conversation, “So… it sounds like things are going well”

“Yes, thank you”

“Well since things are on the right track around here, I was just wondering if you wanted to come back trave-”

“No”

“Gre-! Wait, what?”

“I can’t leave, not now. I'm sorry Cal, but my Sisters need me, and I them”, Merrin reached out to lay a hand on him, conveying her budding excitement, “I am closer now than I ever have been to reviving my people and my culture, a task I never thought possible! Finally, for the first time since as long as I can remember, I have a _family_ again” Cal’s face fell as the realization set in. Merrin removed her hand, recomposing herself. “I will never forget all that you did for me, and I am grateful to see you alive and well, but you must understand…” 

Despite the immense disappointment, Cal did his best to give her the same understanding he had all that time ago when they first joined forces. “No, no I understand, it’s just… Well, it doesn’t really matter, but I’m glad things are working out for you” Cal gave a somewhat pained smile, before scratching the side of his head with nothing more to say. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it then…”

“ _Wait!_ Uh, I suppose if you’re looking for someone to journey with… Perhaps you’d consider taking one of my Sisters with you?” 

Cal froze, half in the process of turning to walk away as Merrin’s proposal washed over him. “I uh, thought you needed each other to stay here. You know, _together?_ ”

“Yes, but some of my Sisters could use training outside of the confines of our planet and I have just one such who would be perfect to… _test_ this idea” 

Merrin briefly explained in more detail that while she herself could not accompany him offworld, you would make a more than suitable replacement to go in her stead. After all, as she’d said you were a promising warrior, but words can only prove so much, and as a true test of your abilities, the two of you had agreed that should an opportunity present itself, it would be advantageous to allow you out into the crucible that was the galaxy.

Cal hesitated for a moment. _Was that really even what he wanted? Just some plain company out on his travels? ...Then again, maybe he was thinking about this the wrong way. Taking you out with him for a little while would make Merrin happy, and maybe after a while he could convince her to come herself…_ Cal itched absentmindedly at his abdomen, considering his options. _Besides, it might be nice to have someone ambitious around to keep up with._

“Sure. Uh, anywhere particular I should take her?”

“Where ever you feel best”, Merrin smiled gratefully, and summoned you forward with a wave of her hand.

“You summoned me, Sister?”

Merrin explained the arrangement she’d set up with Cal to you. The corners of your eyes crinkled in excitement, a small smile gracing your features as you nodded your head, thanking her. You and Cal introduced yourselves formally to one another, and afterwards Merrin spoke up again.

“Now go, return when you feel you’ve tested yourself appropriately. And Cal,” Merrin smiled a rare, genuine smile as she lifted a glowing hand, casting a spell to send you both back to the Mantis, “thank you”

\---

You and Cal ended up just outside the boarding ramp of the Mantis and walked together in comfortable silence to the ships interior. After a few heated moments of Cere and Greez’s reactions to the unexpected addition of yourself, Cal was able to talk them down to an even headed state. With that obstacle passed, he explained the arrangement he and Merrin made and that this was little more than a favor. Cere considered what Cal had to say, but ultimately failed to see any harm. Greez, to no one's surprise, was a little less amicable but couldn’t be bothered to argue a debate that was doomed to fail.

“So, is there anywhere you _want_ to go?”, Cal smiled and invited you up to the navigation table. You stood beside him politely, but admitted that while you didn’t much care, the more of a surprise the location was, the better.

Cal nodded thoughtfully, “I think I have an idea” 

\---

The boarding ramp went down with a hiss, revealing a peaceful, temperate planet covered in yellow light and lush grass. “Welcome to Bogano!”, Cal gestured broadly as you followed behind him. He led you down the ramp, continuing to tell you about the planet and some of his experiences here. You tried to pay attention, but soon found yourself tuning him out again in favor of _other_ distractions.

As the human walked before you, you found yourself enticed by his uniqueness for the hundredth time since you first saw him in the temple. From the shape of his body, to the coloration of his pale skin and flaming hair, to the gentle, subtle shifting of his hips as he walked. Truth be told, you’d never actually _seen_ a human before. Well, until now. All you’d ever had were descriptions from your fellow Sisters and the comparisons they made between the physiology of humans and themselves. Even still, with all the preconceptions you had on the appearance of humans, you weren’t prepared for _this._

Back on Dathomir, the amount of resources required to be anything more than slim and fit simply didn’t exist. Despite how foreign a visual example of such a concept was to you, you were surprised to say the least that you couldn’t bring yourself to feel disgusted by the display of over indulgence or really _anything_ of that sort. In fact, you almost… _enjoyed it._

Cal was similar enough in build to the Nightbrothers that you could tell he had muscle enough to give a sturdy, respectable shape to the soft flesh covering up all of his would be definition, and that was good enough for him to be at least somewhat appealing to you. Everything else felt like an unexpected bonus, as you admired the subtle curves of his body undulating along his legs, up to his hips, belly, and arms. Even his cheeks possessed a slightly puffy, childlike quality. And how could you ignore that bright orange hair, not to mention the generous smattering of those strange, yet charming, tiny speckles littered across his skin.

Caught up in more mindless musings that you wouldn’t care to repeat aloud, you settled on watching his thighs bounce _ever so slightly_ with each confident step until finally he came to a stop near the edge of the plateau and turned to face you, giving you just enough time to compose yourself.

“-Anyway, I guess you can take it from here, but don’t worry I’ll stay close behind” BD chirped encouragingly as Cal stepped aside, letting you decide where to head next. You took a moment to clear your mind, a little ashamed to have let your thoughts run so rampantly, but nodded affirmatively before choosing a path. 

You easily shot a few of the blue shelled, bug like creatures with your bow, working your way up to the larger, one eyed things as you went along. Here and there, you mixed it up a little by getting into some knife combat when things felt too simple. All the while, Cal watched you with fascination as you figured out how to overcome certain obstacles and groups of hostile creatures with refined ease and furthermore without much need for him to help you.

When you finally came across your first Oggdo later that afternoon, you managed to handle yourself decently well, taking Cal’s advice into consideration but managing to avoid much intervention. You sighed with satisfaction as the creature lay dead before you, and turned to Cal with an air of excitement edging its way into your voice. “Are there more creatures like this around?”

Cal looked at you thoughtfully, “Well, I know where there's a bigger one for sure bu-”

"Where"

You followed the young Jedi back across the maze of plateaus, over some bare pipes, along another wall, and finally down into a long dark cave. Cal huffed as softly as he could manage in the hopes you might not notice how winded he was as he drew his lightsaber, lending some light to the shrouded cavern. “Last time I was here, there was a big one just at the end of this tunnel. Didn’t really bother with it though”, he informed you.

“Huh, there he is...” Sure enough, a slightly larger, darker version of the previous beast sat a few meters away, oblivious to the two of you. You drew your bow with an eager grin. “ _Wait a minute_ ”, Cal’s arm shot up, baring you from proceeding into the lair, “Are you _sure_ you want to take this alone?”

“We’ll soon find out”, you shot him a confident smirk and gently pushed his arm away.

With a level of stealth and silence that only an experienced Nightsister could pull off, you managed to work your way around to get a clear shot at the creature’s side. You drew back the string of your bow, lined up the shot, and let the beam of purple energy fly. The Oggdo Bogdo roared with rage as your arrow buried itself into its rib cage. To its credit, the great beast seemed to shake off the damage, squaring around to face you.

You muttered a curse as you dodged away from the leaping jaws, firing off surprisingly well landed shots when you could. Cal studied your impressively timed dodge and shoot tactics, evading attacks and slick puddles that he suspected would’ve tripped up the current version of himself. _Maybe Merrin hadn’t been lying about you after all._

After a few more cycles of your dodge and shoot game, the creature growled in agitation as it missed you yet again, only ever having gotten you with slight knicks. Its hide filled with arrow wounds, it finally changed tactics. On the next lunge, expecting you to roll away, the Oggdo turned immediately. While you were still in the process of rolling to a safe distance, the reptilian creature shot out its long, sticky tongue, grasping you with ease.

You whipped around, hurtling towards the massive, gaping jaws without time to even think. Moments before your impending, unceremonious doom, a flash of humming light flew back and forth across the dusk surrounding you, followed immediately by the rancid stench of burning flesh and a blood curdling shriek from the giant monster. While it was reeling from the pain, you lunged up from your place just inches in front of the howling jaws, sinking your knife into the beast’s neck to finish it off.

Cal ran over, switching off his lightsaber and holstering it on his belt. “ _Are you alright?_ ” He offered you a hand, which you took after a moment of collecting yourself. The Oggdo Bogdo’s severed tongue fell limply off your waist, leaving a slimy trail on your already wet body as you stood.

“Fine. And… thank you”, you cast a glance to where Cal’s lightsaber had left its mark, saving you from almost certain death. The young Jedi joined you in appreciating his work before the beast’s remains disappeared to become one with the force.

“No problem” 

The moon hung high and bright overhead as the two of you stood waiting for the other to decide what to do next. Cal ignited his lightsaber casually, providing light in the dark lair, “Should we head back to the Mantis?”

You took in your surroundings, evaluating the tactical success rate of making it back to the ship without falling off a ledge or being ambushed in the night. Truth be told, you wouldn’t have had much of an issue, but you were worried about how a human would fare crawling around in the dark, Jedi or no. Your mind made up, you turned back to Cal and suggested it might be best to camp here for the night. Without waiting for an answer, you strode over to a dry corner and sat in the grass.

Eventually Cal plopped down beside you, looking more than a little disgruntled at your decision. You ignored him, laying down your weapon and stretching before settling against the wall with a pleasant smile.

“So… We’re not even going to make a fire or something?”

“Are you cold, human?”

“No, but… Aren’t _you?_ ”

“A little, but I’ll live”, you hugged yourself, rubbing your damp arms for a second before deciding to try your luck in the still warm grass.

Cal stared at your back as you laid facing away from him. He would’ve been happy to give you one of his ponchos, but those became too warm for him to care to wear long ago. BD hopped off Cal’s back as the young Jedi flopped into the grass next, leaving room for the droid to nestle beside him.

“Well, good night I guess…”

You yawned and acknowledged the sentiment, falling asleep soon after.

While you slept in peace, Cal laid awake, lost in thought and looking up at the stars. He had to admit, so far you’d impressed him with your skills and even more so with your mild force sensitivity, or “magicks”, as you insisted, but simply having someone around out in the wilderness with him was something he didn’t expect to be enjoying this much. If only he could figure out your personality, then traveling together could potentially be made that much better for the both of you. You had a practiced air of seriousness and detachment, much like Merrin, but underneath the surface there was this… _passion_ and excitement for the new and dangerous things he showed you, leaving him a little confused on how to act with you. Of course as a Nightsister, a species especially attuned to the dark side, he was wary of _too much_ passion, and yet… he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find it kinda-

Cal’s breath hitched in his chest as you gave a quiet sigh, rolling over and readjusting in your sleep, now just a breath away from him. You shivered harshly, a frown etched into your face as you curled up a little tighter. Broken out of his previous train of thought, he decided to focus on the current issue. _Maybe he should…_ Cal began to bring around his furthest arm, ready to drape it over you. He stopped. _Maybe not._ He dropped his arm, and instead propped himself on his elbows. _What if he just…_ Cal shifted over ever so slightly, closing the inch of space between you, then laid on his back again. 

Your body fit easily against his, enough so that the sudden pressure didn’t stir you. Melting into visible relaxation and happily siphoning his ample body heat for yourself, a ghost of a smile spread across your face, leaving Cal glad he’d taken the risk. Your breath was cool and methodical against his freckled throat, soothing in a way. With a happy sigh from you, at last his nerves melted away, allowing Cal to finally close his eyes to rest as he joined you in sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> University hasn't killed me yet my friends. Sorry for the hiatus, but please enjoy!

Cal awoke to insistent shaking the next morning. He cracked open his bleary eyes to find you as the culprit. Without so much as a morning greeting, you dropped a handful of cracker like… _somethings_ on his chest, “Here. Now be quiet”

As if on cue to answer his confusion, Cal’s stomach growled angrily. He debated if it was worth telling you that he wasn’t doing it on purpose or if surely you already knew that, but he ultimately decided to just start eating instead. “Eugh, where did you _find_ this, it tastes like sand”, Cal held the wafer a little ways away from him, examining it and suddenly reevaluating how hungry he _actually_ was.

You snapped to attention, shooting him a concerned look, “How would you know that?”

Cal looked at the “food” one more time before bringing it close enough to be eaten, grimacing all the while, “It’s an expression”

“Ah, I see”, you nodded with enlightenment. “I found it in there with the help of your droid”. You pointed to a dark box further along the wall only now visible in the morning light. BD chirped happily, proud of himself as he hopped onto Cal’s back.

“Good job buddy”, he managed a smile for his friend, but couldn’t keep it up for long as he went back to the rations. You sat looking on expectantly for a few minutes before asking if he was going to finish all of the wafers, or if the two of you could move on. Cal noticed that you’d only eaten through about a quarter of your own short package, and nodded in agreement. He hoisted himself up with a grunt and stretched his stiff back, “There’s better stuff on the Mantis anyway”

He lit his saber and waited for you to join him before wandering back through the dark cave entrance. Once outside, the two of you continued in comfortable silence until you reached the pipes when you spoke up suddenly, “Thank you for last night. I… underestimated the weather”

Cal felt his face flush lightly, though he wasn’t sure why. He considered what to say, as if a simple “you’re welcome” wouldn’t have sufficed, but you cut in again, “You’re _surprisingly_ warm” You offered the statement with an edge to your voice, as though there were something truly supernatural about the matter that warranted explanation.

That was enough to push Cal to a full blush. “ _Thanks?_ ”, Cal was grateful to have reached solid ground as it gave him some time to try and rub the redness out of his face.

“Is that why your hair is on fire?”, You stepped onto the ground beside him, a serious, analytical look on your face.

Over the course of his life, Cal had received a lot of comments on his unusual hair color, but the theory you gave for it was a first. He had to laugh a little. “Uh, not quite. That’s just how it is. And anyway it’s red, not on fire.” the two of you were walking as Cal reached to take a lock of his hair, holding it up and away from all the rest so you could get a better look, “See?”

You squinted, studying the hairs a little more intensely than he’d anticipated, “But it’s orange”

Cal let the strands fall back into place on his scalp, taking a measured breath of patience. At least you finally had something somewhat normal to say. “It’s an expression”, he explained once more.

At last you were silent, contemplating the information you’d gained while you followed the human Jedi to the Mantis.

“ _There_ you are! We were starting to think she ki- Oh.“, Greez stopped short once you boarded the Mantis a few moments later. Cal explained the past twelve hours of your absence, omitting anything he deemed too embarrassing to relay. 

“Well I’m glad everything went alright”, Cere stepped in after listening thoughtfully. “There’s some food left, I’m sure you’re both hungry. Then we can decide what to do next”

Cal perked up at the idea of some real food, Greez’s cooking skills aside. 

“We already ate”, you interjected. 

Cere turned back around, a look of surprise on her face, but she didn’t pose a question. She glanced over at Cal to inquire their next plan, only to find him shooting you an irritated glare, unbeknownst to you. Before he could realize he’d been caught, Cere shifted her gaze back to you. “Well then sit tight for a little while and rest up”, she turned her attention to Cal, who was now looking notably less upset, “Then we’ll figure out what to do next”. She nodded at Cal to confirm with him, and walked away with a shake of her head to get some fresh air after he corresponded. 

Cal walked past you towards the back of the Mantis, with you following the short way it took to get to the kitchen. You gave him a look of confusion as he sat down with some food, an argument forming behind your brows. 

“Look, if you want to eat decade old crackers, be my guest, but I’ll pass”. With that, he dug into his meal, ending the conversation before one could start. Without another word, you decided to bite back your fight and await further instruction as Cere had recommended. You informed the young Jedi that you’d be in the spare room you’d been given should you be needed.

You sat in the dark room, focusing your powers and meditating on your thoughts. It hadn’t been long since you’d left your home world, and you were more than grateful to test yourself against more of what the galaxy had to offer. After all, had your sisters been prepared like this, perhaps the fall of Dathomir could’ve been… well, avoided might be too much to hope for, but _mitigated_ at the very least, sounded more than reasonable. Furthermore, Merrin seemed to agree. After all, was that not why you were here?

However, the Jedi and his crew seem to lack focus. Fighting dangerous animals is well and good, not unlike the nydaks and rancors back home in fact. It's just… Surely there was a greater threat out there in the galaxy then wild animals? To be truthful, you had expected a rogue Jedi to be doing something a little more interesting than revisiting the same four or so planets, fighting animals, and searching for relics. Sister Merrin might be fine letting one of her finest warriors use mindless beasts for target practice, but you wanted _more_. Where was the _real_ fighting going on in the galaxy?

You’d heard talk of some kind of power out there that had overthrown the Jedi and taken control of half the galaxy. You believe Merrin had mentioned them as “The Empire” and while the exact alignment of this organization were unclear to you, anyone with that much power was a threat to be taken seriously. Just the thought of taking on the armed masses of troops and advanced weapons they must posses set your spirit alight. If you died, then your sacrifice would be honored by your sisters who would continue to prepare themselves on the knowledge related to them by the means of your death. If you lived, well, you could hardly fathom the wealth of information you could bring back to them. 

In your heart of hearts, your only concern was that this was a force far beyond a single planet, even one with a people as powerful as Dathomir. What if your interference somehow put your already downtrodden people in the cross hairs? But… you _couldn’t_ give up. You _wouldn’t._

A knock came at your door, starting you out of your meditation. On your permission, Cere opened the door and relayed the news that she and Cal had decided on a more challenging place to take you. Somewhere with a little more to offer then small, annoying animals. Your next destination, was Zeffo.

\---

The ramp finally descended and opened up to a flat metal landing bay in the middle of an overcast, grey planet. Cal gave a little exposition on the planet and vaguely alluded to what the two of you would face out here. This time, you followed closely and paid more attention, mostly out of excitement to take on the challenges promised to you, but also you supposed out of the basic bond of respect you’d developed together. He was fascinating to look at, but he had useful knowledge to share too. 

Once he was finished, Cal looked between two directions, deciding on which way to proceed before verbalizing for you to follow as he headed towards a large hangar. You’d been promised a far wider assortment of beasts to fight, as well as some troops of the Empire, and perhaps even some mysterious described ancient machinery. Your mind buzzed with excitement. Perhaps just a question or two about this new planet and it’s hostile inhabitants wouldn’t hurt?

“There, _Jedi!_ ” A garbled voice called out from the dark of the hanger as one human sized figure, accompanied by a large, hulking droid, immediately took aim at Cal. He swore under his breath and ignited his lightsaber just in time to parry away blaster bolts with practiced ease. You quickly fired off a few shots with your bow, prepared to dive into the battle laden crucible of this planet before Cal waved you off.

“They’re bounty hunters!”, he shouted over the blaster fire and clanking. The two of you dodged out of the way and safely, if for but a moment, hid behind some crates as the droid rushed you. Cal turned his attention to you earnestly, “Lay low, ok? I’ll handle this”

With the acrobatic skills that only a force wielder cloud possess, he jumped over the crates and into the fray before you could retort. 

‘ _Lay low?_ ’ Was fighting the unknown _not_ why you were out here? You scoffed, only slightly insulted, before peeking out behind the cover to get in some shots. Things were going well with your assistance, as you were able to successfully inflict some damage before the bounty hunters noticed your reemerged presence. The human sized one turned to you and growled out something before firing at you. 

When that didn’t work, you easily avoided the charging man’s shield, while Cal stayed occupied with the robot. For just a second, you turned to see how your friend’s fight was going, just in time to observe Cal extend his hand and yank, jerking you a few feet forward as a flash grenade lit up the area. The both of you recoiled in pain to the jeers of you opponents. With a growl, Cal reached out again using the force as his eyes and ran the human shaped bounty hunter through on his saber, leaving you still stumbling blindly and open to a charge from the droid. 

Cal shouted something to you at the last minute, but as with the jeering before you could hardly make out the words as your entire skull seemed to ring. Next you knew, your hearing cleared up allowing in the sound of heavy clanking right before you were knocked harshly to the ground. The wind abandoned your lungs as you scrambled onto your back, desperately pawing around for your bow, or _anything_ you could use as a weapon. Once your vision finally stopped spinning enough to see, you were greeted by the massive droid about to bring its arm down on you, preceded by a final taunt. 

Too shocked to event react, you laid in stunned silence, resigned to your fate before being saved once more. Cal turned on a dime to parry the droid, its thickly armored limb severing itself against the glowing hot lightsaber. The creature howled in something akin to pain or perhaps aggravation, before being silenced by a final, decisive slash.

Cal switched off his saber and turned to you, as the remains of the droid clanged to the ground. “I _told you_ to stay out”, he gestured to the large crates where you’d first separated. You said nothing, instead dropping back to lay flat and rub your eyes gently as Cal sighed in frustration. He briefly rubbed his own forehead before asking if you were hurt. You admitted to still being a little dazed and apologize for not heeding his advice, before accepting his help to stand. 

After being pulled up, you attempted to take a step on your own, only to fall against his chest. Cal helped you right yourself, “Do you need to go back to the Mantis?”

You almost didn’t hear him over the thumping in your ears as his powerful heartbeat hammered away under your hand after the strain of the fight. Even more so, as your own heart seemed to join in on the duet. For a moment you froze, wanting nothing more than to relax into the soothing, methodical sound, but before suspicion could be aroused, you blinked your eyes rapidly giving off the appearance of one last attempt to clear your head. 

“I’m fine”, you took a few steps back, shaky at first but at least managing to stay up straight as an argument in your favor. Cal looked at you halfway between doubt and concern, but after a moment's consideration agreed to lead you onward.

The next few hours were mostly uneventful. You ran into a few new animals, a rather welcome sight after the battering you took earlier, but that was about it for the rest of the day. Cal decided to purposely keep away from Imperial troops and save that challenge for when you were rested after today’s mishap. All in all, you couldn’t complain about the simple day, as it gave you time to focus on your thoughts. 

There wasn’t _one_ particular thing that brought it on, but rather a whole series of thoughts and feelings that weren’t quite… _you._ Seemingly since you first met, your feelings towards the young Jedi were unlike anything you’d felt for another being, and while you had little experience with anyone or anything outside your coven of sisters, you weren’t stupid enough to not realize that, maybe, he felt the same way. You couldn’t understand it. After all, you’d only known each other for about a standard week, and while his words told you that he and his ship mates seemed to merely tolerate you, his actions said otherwise.

Compassion was a rare thing on Dathomir, harder still to come by anywhere outside or between the night clans of sisters and brothers, and yet this human was bursting with it. From the very first day you’d met, had he not claimed to come visiting with the interest of offering sister Merrin assistance? He didn’t _have to_ take you off world with him. He didn’t _have to_ step in and save you from the Ogdo Bogdo, or shield you from the cold later that same day on Bogano. Just like how he didn’t _have to_ offer to take on those bounty hunters all alone when you clearly weren’t ready. 

The day was cut short as a dull ache started to bother your ribs from both the hit this morning and the use of your bow later on. You and Cal worked together to build a small fire behind the cover of an abandoned building and settled in for the evening. This time, you both had the foresight to bring some proper rations, and brought them out to “enjoy” once all was said and done. 

“We’re pretty close to where all the Stormtroopers are deployed, are you sure you’re up to that?”, Cal turned to you, in between conservative bites of food.

“I’ll be fine”, you rolled your shoulder casually, enjoying the warmth of the fire on your sore muscles. Cal looked away after a few moments of awkward silence, nodding his head slowly. You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. Catching on to your unintentional rudeness, you decided to attempt to add to the conversation, “Thank you for helping me. You saved my life… again”

Cal’s mood lifted, “Hey, no problem”. He smiled at you cheerfully, as BD beeped in agreement. Despite the encouragement, you slumped your head against the wall behind you, sighing.

“Perhaps. I just wonder, maybe I am not as up to the task as I thought…”

“Pft, what? That’s not true…”, Cal put down what little was left of his food and turned his attention to you, “You’ve got some pretty impressive skills, it’s just, you seem… I don’t know, distracted, maybe?”

Your eyes shot open, expecting your behavior to be further diagnosed by the young Jedi. You suspected you knew why that might be, but it didn’t feel any better to hear it said aloud. _Especially,_ when you were confronted with the likely possibility that these ridiculous feelings of yours were throwing you this badly off your game.

Oblivious to both your internal and physical reaction, Cal continued to ramble on, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just from all the new environments. That’s how it was for us at first, right BD?”, once again the small droid chirped in agreement.

Cal turned back to you, this time a look of worry washing over his features. “Are you ok? You look really tense”

You dropped your shoulders, trying to relax yourself. Maybe he really _didn’t_ know? “I’m fine, just… cold”

The young Jedi’s face brightened, “Hold on”. He turned at the waist to his bag, froze for a second, then faced forward again as he joined you once more, slumping against the wall and muttering a curse. “Sorry, I could’ve sworn I brought a blanket or _something_ at least”

Well it was the thought that counted, you supposed. A slight smile graced your lips as you held back a soft chuckle. “It’s alright, we’ve solved this issue before”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I guess so…”, Cal awkwardly lifted his arm closest to you, but hesitated on how to proceed. Before you could accept the offer, he retraced the limb back against his body. “Oh duh, hold on, I’ll get some more fuel for the fire, that’ll help”. He shifted his weight trying his fastest to get up, but you were quicker.

Your hand snapped to his arm, firm yet gentle, as he whipped around to find himself caught in your magnetic gaze. “You don’t have to do that”

For once the red headed Jedi was silent, not sure _what_ to say. He began to mutter some incoherent excuse, before realizing that whatever it was didn’t matter. Instead he slid back down to be seated, his eyes holding onto yours for every second. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but a part of him dared to hope that maybe… 

Suddenly growing aware of himself again, Cal rubbed at the hot red flush in his cheeks, doing his best to disperse it before finding some more meaningless words to fill the silence. 

“No”, you gently grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from his soft face, “it’s cute”. In a bold display of emotion that shocked even yourself, you threw care to the wind and pressed a feather light kiss to the apple of his cheek, lingering just a moment to enjoy the warmth. Cal said nothing, simply happy that you were happy, if for but a moment. You hooded your eyes as you drew back a little to take in his whole face. Your hand wandered it’s way up to his scalp while you combed his hair gently, “It matches your hair…” You smiled sleepily, fueled by this foreign, curious feeling of _excitement_ coursing through you. 

For a few moments, Cal simply stared in awe before coming back to reality.

“Yeah, I guess so”, he gave a short laugh, characteristic of his typical self.

Your hand freed itself from the copper strands to settle snugly into your lap. You officially closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath of the night air and Cal’s pleasant musk before propping yourself against his welcoming, padded shoulder. The corner of Cal’s mouth quirked into a smile as you sighed contentedly. With a minutes hesitation and a seconds resolve, he ever so cautiously wove a freckled paw around your ashen grey hand, breathing a sigh of relief as your delicate fingers wrapped themselves lightly around his hand followed shortly after by the rhythm of your slow, sleeping breath.

He held your hand a little tighter before signing off for the night with a forehead kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, some freaking romance. Sorry for the wait, again, but I hope it's worth it!
> 
> Also, warning for a semi graphic depiction of violence towards the end

Your eyes snapped awake, vague memories from the previous night flooding your consciousness. Cal snored rather audibly a few inches from your ear, his head lying comfortably against yours. Oh, if your sisters could see you _now._ Your first instinct was to jerk away from the disgraceful intimacy you were allowing, disgusted with yourself more than anything, but your sleep filled mind argued back.

_Was this really so wrong?_

Daylight had recently broken, casting a soft golden glow over the landscape, across your skin, and lighting up the young Jedi’s flaming hair. Cal sighed deeply, radiating warmth that permeated down to your bones as his soft body pressed reassuringly against yours. Mumbling incoherently, he turned slightly to nuzzle your hair, an infectious, sleepy smile spreading across his strong features.

Try as you might to stop yourself, you smiled, closing your eyes once more. No, perhaps this _wasn’t_ so bad.

\---

The sun climbed its way up into the permanently overcast Zeffo sky, high enough to rouse the two of you once and for all. You eased off of the Jedi and stretched carefully, giving your ribs a test. By the time you deemed them sufficiently healed enough to press further into enemy territory, Cal had fully integrated himself into reality, a strangely bewildered look on his face.

Surely the previous night was on his mind, and for a moment you began to wonder if he regretted allowing himself to be so vulnerable with you, a sentiment you understood but could no longer bring yourself to agree with. Before you could read too much into it, the look vanished and he turned to you with his usual, albeit sleepy, mirth.

“How’s your arm?”, he rubbed at his eyes, his voice still deep and gravely with sleep.

“Fine, thank you”

Cal nodded, by now growing accustomed to your curt responses. He yawned and stretched, then dug out the other half of last night’s rations, to which you followed suit. “Well enough to face the Empire?”, he shot you a challenging smirk before taking a bite.

The corner of your mouth quirked up at the mere thought. “I believe so”

\---

The two of you fought side by side throughout the waves of troopers, taking ground at a steady pace to suit your learning. You moved in unison, Cal covering you from stray blaster bolts, while you put your aim and blade to work on the various melee and blaster troops. Soon the abandoned village was cleared, giving the two of you a moment to recover. Before moving forward and performing the acrobatic maneuvers to do so, Cal took the time to catch his breath and introduce you to some of his findings from the ruins.

While you would’ve preferred to press on, you had to admit, you found more and more that you enjoyed simply listening to him speak. He explained a little of his psychometric powers to you and then moved on to the history behind the village. As he went on, you began to draw some parallels between the invasion and destruction of this place and that of your homeworld. The more you learned, the greater grew your passion to fight this “Empire” you’d been learning so much about.

Cal took the relic he’d been explaining back from you, returning it safely to the ground at his feet before looking over to you. There was a distant look in your eye causing Cal’s mood to sour in turn. “You ok?”, he dropped a freckled hand to your shoulder, light enough that you almost could’ve missed it.

“Yes. Fine”, you turned to him, doing your best to force a smile, adding in a reassuring nod for good measure.

The young Jedi removed his hand to scratch his coppery hair, not believing a word. “Well, how about we get out of here?”, he offered a hand without thinking, perhaps too busy looking for a way, _any_ way, to distract your troubled mind. You took it gently before he could catch himself in the awkward gesture and retract it back to his side. His breath hitched ever so slightly and a genuine smile graced your delicate face.

“I’d like that”

\---

As you went deeper into Imperial territory, the stormtrooper masses grew thicker and more challenging as you inevitably started to come across the higher ranking officers. That said, it wasn’t long until you met your next, true challenge… 

An imposing man whipped around to face you both, the artificial light from the high up fixtures getting lost in the deep black of his armor. “Finally, a challenge…”, he growled with delight, activating the electric prods on either ends of his staff. The purple charges zapped and hissed in the near silent room, as eager for blood as their master.

Cal exchanged a look with you, unsure if you were up to the challenge. With little time to do much else, you shot him a smirk and a nod as you dodged to the side, giving Cal room enough to parry the purge trooper’s attack. The dark figure seemed locked onto your Jedi friend, leaving his back completely open to you. Too excited for the opportunity to question his strange tactics, you peppered the armored figure with a few arrows, only to find that they had little effect against the high grade material. You took aim in a few other locations, looking for weak points, but any shots that bit through enough to hurt only seemed to anger him more as he brought his fury down on the young Jedi.

“ _Not helping!_ ”, Cal grunted as he deflected blows from the staff, doing all he could just to stay standing under the weight of each strike.

You stood still, rethinking your strategy, as the trooper knocked Cal to the ground with a heavy blow too sudden to be countered. The man punted Cal’s lightsaber out of his outstretched hand, but before the next strike could land, the trooper was thrown backwards with the force. Cal scrambled for his weapon as the Imperial picked himself up from the ground with a growl. He shook himself, seemingly taking a moment to regroup for round two instead of immediately closing in. 

Or, you considered, perhaps he was simply looking to fight fair? Honorable if true, but foolish.

With the purge trooper distracted, you finally saw the opportunity to strike. You closed the distance with the speed and silence befitting a true night sister. As though a sixth sense had been activated the trooper whipped around on instinct, just in time to catch a glimpse as you flipped over his electric staff, landing squarely on his shoulders. You locked your legs around his neck, tight enough to steady yourself as you knocked an arrow point blank, this time burying it straight through the polished black helmet.

The trooper instantly went limp, his body falling to the ground as you rolled off with grace. Cal shook the awe off his face, hauling himself off the ground and running over to where you were crouched. He reached down and offered a hand as you got up, “That was _incredible!_ ”, he huffed.

You took his hand, swinging up off his strong grip…

“I can’t believe you jus-”

...and ended the maneuver with your lips on his.

Cal stood dumbfounded, simply accepting the event as it transpired. A thousand emotions rushed around in his inexperienced mind. He was shocked, and confused, and ecstatic, and… sad. While of course he couldn’t deny that he’d been interested in you since day one, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t real. After all, he wasn’t good enough for Merrin, why should one of her most trusted acolytes feel any different?

All too quickly, your lips began to drift apart from his as he realized too late that he’d forgotten to savor the fleeting moment. A part of him ached to pull you back in and return the gesture with all the fervor and fire he felt flushing his skin, but… He let you go. As you pulled away, he saw a faint frown wrinkle your brow. You wondered if you had misread his intentions all this time and, as you quickly convinced yourself this was the case, how you could’ve been so stupid to get carried away this far.

As the doubt clouded your mind, Cal could sense it radiating off of you. You took a steadying breath, then opened your mouth to say something he was sure he wouldn’t want to hear. 

_What was he doing?_

Before his sense could come back to him, Cal sighed with disregard. Still well within arms length, he easily lifted you up by the waist, eliciting a short lived shriek of delight that surprised none more then yourself as he brought you down for a proper kiss in one motion. You gripped the hair on either side of his head, giving purely into your desires as you kissed fervently. Your legs squeezed against his pillowy sides as his hands remained firmly clasped beneath you, allowing you all the time in the world to remain suspended with him, just like this.

When he inevitably ran out of breath, you refused to let up, instead distributing a kiss to as many of his freckles as you could find as he beamed, panting gently beneath you. Finally, regretfully, he had to put you down. You held his hands in yours as you took a few steps back, overjoyed that your feelings could possibly be returned. Cal rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, too busy enjoying your hands in his to rub away the heat in his face. 

The corner of your mouth quirked up as the excitement faded, a quick, satisfied huff of air escaping your nostrils. You released his hands slowly, playing coy as you turned to go inspect the battle field. 

Cal made a gentle fist out of each hand as he watched you go, flexing and releasing to work off the nervous energy. _Did that just happen?_

You inspected the bodies carefully, ensuring they were dead, as the young Jedi continued to look on from where he stood. There was so much he wanted to say, _to ask,_ but the “how” and “what” eluded him. He released the tension from his body and walked over to you.

You stood up and began walking onward, “We should move on. This way, yes?”

“Huh? Uh yeah, bu-”, he jogged a little, just to catch up with you, “Aren’t we going to talk about… Er, _that?_ ” 

“What is there to talk about? Clearly we reciprocate the feelings we obviously have for one another. Now that we both know, we may let our action do the talking”

Cal scratched the side of his head, but murmured something like an agreement. Truth be told, he didn’t fully understand your logic, but he supposed he could see your point. Besides, he wasn’t sure he was the best person for talking about feelings, especially considering his Jedi background. Before the ways of his past life could condemn him for his actions just moments ago, he pulled himself out of his mind and into the present.

There was still a bit of a ways to go, but across the rugged terrain and through the clusters of Imperial forces, your road finally led you to the final test. An ancient Zeffo tomb sat before you, the bodies of the troopers who’d been guarding it strewn on the grass. You both ventured a shallow distance inside before setting up for a night’s rest. As you had insisted, there were few words to be had between the two of you on the events of today’s afternoon. You both discussed the tomb and the planet over the rations you kept of your meals until it was time to lay down for the night.

As usual, Cal took his position on his back, giving him the best view to observe the vicinity from. But this time, you settled your head on his chest cuddling up to his side for the night. Neither of you said a word, but Cal couldn’t help a happy sigh as he too soon drifted off to sleep.

\---

The next day excitement coursed through you as you practically led the charge deeper into the ruin. Cal introduced you to the rich assortment of puzzles and history left behind by the ancient species. You tried your hand at a couple, slowing down the whole spelunking mission, but you were determined to solve the trials yourself. While you ran about pulling switches and invoking a bit of your magicks, Cal looked on, lost in thought.

Although you may have insisted that there was nothing to be said, he simply didn’t share your confidence in outlining a relationship. _Is that what you two had? A relationship?_ Well, as in a “more than friends” type of way, that is. And yet, he couldn’t quite blame you. After all, it was his understanding that the Nightsisters and brothers didn’t exactly entertain romantic relationships as humans would understand them. It was more like they tolerated each other enough to procreate, and then went back to harboring their deep distaste.

Come to think of it, perhaps he was wrong to assume that you knew what you were doing here, with him. What if you didn’t know anything more about these types of things then he did? Maybe, you two weren’t so dif-

“Ah- _ha!_ ”

Cal snapped up to attention, looking to find where you’d gotten off to. Luckily he didn’t have to look far. You were perched a little ways up and away, beckoning him on, after finding a way to create a staircase from the puzzle room. The way you beamed at him, even from so far away, was infectious. A grin crossed his face just at the rare opportunity to see you so genuinely happy. It faded soon enough however as you urged him to pick up the pace, but a faint smile lingered between the two of you yet as you worked together through the depths.

Truth be told, there wasn’t much of interest in the tombs aside from the history of the place itself and the complexity of the puzzles that you still insisted on solving. To speed up the process, Cal gave as many hints as he dared, beginning to grow tired from being away from the safety of the Mantis for so long. It wasn’t that he _didn’t_ want to spend more time with you, quite the contrary, just not _here._

Finally, one large stone gateway groaned and grated as the release activated. On the other side was a massive room with a ceiling vaulted so high, it made you dizzy looking up at it. You stumbled along into the room, admiring the breathtaking architecture while Cal kept his eyes trained on the wonder pouring from you. You were both so preoccupied with your distractions, that the sound of whirring and clicking near escaped your notice.

You were the first to notice, with Cal following your gaze soon after. While you lit up at the chance to face your final challenge of the planet, Cal suddenly was having second thoughts. These guardians were undeniably dangerous, so much so that they had almost proved too much even for him on a few occasions. Not to mention, you were already somewhat hurt and surely a little tired from the constant past few days of fighting, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

“Hey, maybe we sho-”, he lifted a hand gently, trying to ward you off, but it was too little too late. 

Full of zeal, you blasted past Cal’s arm and fired off a few bolts as you closed in. For about the second time now since your close call with the Ogdo Bogdo, Cal felt his heart beat itself into a panicked flurry as you rushed headlong into danger. Before he knew it, he sprinted down the length of the room after you.

Meanwhile, you continued the fight, completely oblivious to the anxiety radiating off of your companion. The giant droid attempted to keep the fight close quarters, stomping and charging about as you dodged. It surprised you with its speed, keeping you on the move a little more than you’d like, seeing as you were currently doing more rolling than shooting. Cal slashed at the guardian from behind a few times, providing you with a much needed distraction. In perhaps an unwise decision, you took straight to attacking rather than steadying yourself and catching your breath, but thought nothing of it.

After a moment, Cal dodged away himself, avoiding the ground shaking pounds of the guardian. You peppered it with a few more arrows, hardly taking note as something about the droid’s stance began to… _change._ The ancient humming that you’d grown accustomed to subsided, instead a humming noise and soft light grew in unison, originating from its mechanical chest. A small orb revealed itself with a hiss of steam as the guardian stood rigidly, changing form.

_A weak point!_

You smiled confidently, taking a knee to steady yourself as you lined up a powerful shot. Cal looked over to you and felt his heart drop.

“ _What are you do-!?_ ”

His desperate screams were drowned out as the guardian fired a sweeping shot of its plasma core. On instinct, Cal avoided the lazer effortlessly as a Jedi would. You were not so lucky.

The lazer cut across your midriff with an impossible heat. It powered down a few feet away from you as it continued on its path, the reverberating hum instantly replaced with your agonized shriek. The droid began to advance on you, but you were far too in shock to respond to the world around you. You dropped your scorched bow in front of you, your hands and arms curling in towards your burned, smoking body. As your arms came into contact with burns, had you been coherent enough, you would've been surprised to find how smooth and numb the area of skin was, even as blood began to seep, then pour down your front.

You hardly heard Cal cursing and screaming your name, as what little glints from the metal and flames lighting the area suddenly became all too bright, flooding your blurring vision. The clanging of the droid and the aggressive humming of Cal’s lightsaber began to fade away, as though you’d been submerged underwater. It was almost peaceful, the white noise calming the panic within you as you finally, _mercifully_ , slumped to the ground.

As you lay still, Cal finished the ancient guardian off quickly, in a blind rage. Had the situation been any different, he would’ve been concerned with how little he remembered of the fight that had just occurred, let alone the vicious ferocity that had overtaken him to get here, but he had no time for Jedi philosophy now. BD leapt off his shoulder and scurried over to your side, hopping about urgently as his master sprinted over from the battle’s wreckage.

Cal dropped heavily to his knees, tears of both rage and grief streaming down his face. For a moment, his mind emptied itself, then drifted to his master as he gently began to cradle your body. Master Topal, Prauf, _you…_ Even after all this time, all this training, he was just as useless now as he ever was. Losing both his mentors was one thing, but you? He brushed a white strand out of your face, lovely to him, even still. Not when the two of you were _going_ somewhere. He could’ve been blind and still able to tell there was potential for so much more between you and him. But no. Here it lay with you, _wasted_ and forever unfulfilled, all thanks to his inability to act. 

Force, some Jedi he was. Was there anyone he _could_ save?

BD beeped sadly, nudging Cal’s leg as he sobbed bitterly. Giving the young Jedi one more look, the droid scanned your body, only stopping about mid process. BD jumped, whipping around to face his friend as he beeped excitedly.

“W-what?”, Cal wiped at his face, trying to make sense as the droid spoke a mile a minute. But when it all made sense…

_You were alive._

Though there was little time to rejoice, Cal heaved a deep sigh of relief, if nothing else, before accepting a stim from the little droid. He injected it into you quickly, but it didn’t seem to have much of an effect as it usually did for him. Cal took time to take stock of the full damage. Your skin was discolored, purple and red, ripped apart and oozing blood, reeking of iron and scorched flesh. The bleeding seemed to slow thanks to the stim, but he could hardly expect a miracle.

Cal shook his head, steeling his resolve and clearing the noxious smells from his nose and mouth. “Let’s get her out of here, buddy” BD beeped affirmatively as he jumped up to the Jedi’s shoulder, watching carefully as Cal scooped you up, carrying you as delicately as he could manage. Finding the way out was a bit of a maze, but with BD’s help he managed to break the surface soon enough. He hoped.

“Cere, we have a _problem_ ”, Cal barely managed to keep his voice together as he explained the situation to his friend, ignoring the burning in his lungs from the running, jumping, and talking as he tore his way back to the Mantis. Finally, he signed off with the knowledge that further medical help would be waiting for you on the ship, and coordinates to Dathomir were already loaded up.

You were little worse for wear as Cal raced up the Mantis’ loading ramp, something of a surprise to be sure considering the journey to get there. Cere directed Cal to a small side room in the back of the ship. It served as a meager medical room, stocked with a bed and just a minimum of required medical supplies. Cal placed you down gently as Cere set to work doing what she could to treat your wounds. In the background, the loading ramp shut and the Mantis took to the air, reconfiguring for space travel with Greez at the helm.

Considering the extent of your injuries and the shortage of potent medical supplies, you stayed unconscious but stable for the rest of the flight. Cere had left to co-pilot long ago, but Cal stayed for the entirety of the trip, holding your slender grey hand in his large, freckled paw.


	4. Chapter 4

After what felt like an eternity, the Mantis touched down on the surface of Dathomir. Few words passed between Cal and the crew as he carried you from the small medical bed to the loading ramp. Cere offered a sympathetic glance as the one man procession walked past. Your condition had been stabilized, but any chance of true healing would require nothing short of the Nightsister’s powers.

Before he had made it to the temple, a small following of your fellow sisters joined you both, one by one, until Merrin recieved you at the door. Merrin merely motioned her sisters to take you up, carrying you further within. She and Cal stood together alone, silence and remorse hanging heavy in the air. Honestly, he was as surprised at her calm and silence as he was unsettled. Did she not blame him for nearly getting her right hand killed? Whatever the truth may have been, the young Jedi was unable to sense her emotions, so he turned to words.

Cal attempted to explain the situation, or perhaps more so himself, but was soon cut off with a simple gesture from the sister. “There’s no need. What’s done is done”

“Well can I at lea-”

“Return to your ship, we’ll take it from here”, without another word, Merrin turned and followed the rest of her coven down to the depths of their sanctuary.

Cal looked on sadly for a moment, wishing for nothing more than the chance to be at your side as your sisters performed their rituals, but there was nothing more to be done. 

\---

The air hummed with magick all around Merrin and her sisters as they finally hit the depths of their sacred temple. Her acolytes laid your body down on the cold stone, a few coming to tend to your ghastly wound, cleaning the skin and gingerly picking away as much as they could of the charred clothes fused into your flesh.

Merrin meditated at the head of the stone bed as more sisters brought green cauldrons of ancient magickal concoctions and placed them ritualistically around you. While your body and the ritual were prepared, Merrin tried to get in the proper headspace to lead the ritual, but found her thoughts troubled.

_How could he let this happen? She never should’ve trusted you to go with him. This whole endeavor may have been foolish, but he was supposed to be prote-… No._

No, that was unfair of her. It wasn’t Cal’s fault. The blame was on her, she shouldn’t have given in so easily to those emerald eyes, that lopsided smile… Perhaps _she_ should’ve been the one to…

Merrin clenched her teeth, shaking out her head sharply.

“Sister?”

She looked up from her troubled meditation to meet the inquirer.

“Are you alright? We are ready”

The other witches sat in their positions along with the now bubbling, green brews as they looked on to their leader for direction. Merrin sighed as she looked over her meager coven, at each one of the uncertain faces ready to follow her through this ritual that only some of them had been privileged enough just to hear about, let alone see or practice. Then, down to you as you, her second in command, her most trusted warrior, lay deathly still, the subject of the ritual they were to perform, that may or may not be accurate enough to work.

No, offworlders had taken enough from her people, she couldn’t possibly spare her time as well. As much as she may _want,_ well… it didn’t matter.

Merrin rose gracefully, her face set in steely resolve. She raised her hands slowly, out and up away from her body, an electric green glow snaking down her forearms and radiating from her hands. Her voice echoed with all the power of the past generations of witches, “Let us begin”

The sisters sat around your stone bed, chanting and swaying in time to the spell just as they’d studied it a thousand times before. Soon enough, Merrin added her thunderous voice to the group, silently praying for their success. The chant hit a crescendo, causing the green mist to finally, _finally_ arise from the cauldrons, weaving through the air and around the witches like a sentient being, prowling for prey, before darting into your body.

Suddenly the faint whisper of your life force grew to a spark, as you twisted and writhed under the intensity of the spell. The last few moments of your waking memory faded in and out of the blackness surrounding you currently as the steady chanting of your sisters grew louder and closer within your skull. 

You heard Cal’s voice cry out to you, nearly lost amongst the voices of our sisters. The searing pain of the laser across your abdomen as the flesh began knitting itself together. The cold, hard floor and the pain in your bones as you crashed down into it. It was too much, the past weaving with the present confusing you as to what was real. You struggled, writhing on the altar as the space in your mind began to feel tight, far too confining for the life force rebuilding within you. A few primal grunts and growls rumbled from your throat, finally manifesting into a scream as you shot up.

_You were alive._

The chanting around you stopped immediately, the green mist and crackling energy vanishing slowly. Merrin’s arms dropped to her sides as she heaved a sigh, a few of your sisters lay momentarily passed out from the combined exertion of the spell and their own inexperience. You took in your surroundings, the rush of panic and confusion washing away as you realised that you were home.

“ _Sister_ ”, Merrin rushed to your side, a look of disbelief and pure joy on her face as she knelt beside you. A few of the others joined her, closing the small circle around your stone bed, pleased both with themselves to have successfully performed the ritual and, of course, to see you healed and awake.

A few sisters who hadn’t participated in the ritual assisted with the aftercare, helping up some of the exhausted witches and clearing away the used up poultices and brews. Merrin helped you up off the altar, although she was a little shaky herself. Once you were solidly on your feet, she held you at arms length, hands clasped tightly around your shoulders before pulling you into an embrace.

When you both broke apart, Merrin led you away from the ritual site and off to her private chambers to discuss your excursion.

\---

“Would you sit down already? I’m going to be sick…”, Greez complained, finally turning away to go find something else to occupy his attention.

Cal continued to fidget and pace, completely ignoring the protests it was garnering him. Cere continued to look on from her seat at the table. She didn’t need the force to feel the conflict inside of him. While she fully understood, truthfully she was becoming quite concerned. What had started out as a simple favor for an old friend had clearly grown into something much, _much_ more.

For a while she had her suspicions when Merrin was running with their little group, but any fears she’d had were quelled once the Nightsister had decided to return to her own planet. Of course Cal was noticeably upset then too, but thankfully he seemed to get over it. Well… sort of. 

She knew all the while that the young Jedi had been using food to cover up his feelings, and she was wrong to let it slide. It’s just… she was so afraid to interfere. That was no excuse, she knew well enough by now, looking back, but she also knew that it was a slippery slope to the darkside, and giving into your emotions made it all the quicker. Anger, hatred, greed, lust, these were all warning signs of a potential fall, so what if he picked up a few extra snacks instead of becoming involved in any of that?

But now? Here he was on an all to familiar path of potential loss. She knew he was attached to you.The way he looked at you. The way he acted. The feelings radiating off him through the force. It was nearly the same with Merrin, except that you allowed yourself to reciprocate. 

Long ago she’d been taught that Jedi could not form attachments, especially romanticly, and yet now she was witnessing her apprentice battle through building a second one. While she and many others of the order had their own reserves on the validity or, at the very least, the specific boundaries of it, she was all too wary about losing Cal just as she had lost Trilla. Not to mention the troubles of involving himself with the seemingly inherent darkside connections of a Nightsister and even more so, Dathomir itself. 

It simply radiated off this place. Needless to say, that did not bode well for you and her young apprentice.

“That’s it, I’m going to check on them”, Cal stopped in front of the open loading ramp, determination written on his face and throughout his stance. He turned to look at Cere, waiting for some sort of response although his mind was clearly made up.

She took a long look at her young apprentice. Should she try to stop him? Neither of them had any idea what he’d find, and above all she didn’t want him to spiral back down again that same old destructive path that Merrin’s departure had set him on. While her mind weighed heavy with questions, she gave a solemn, curt nod, watching passively as he smiled that crooked grin back at her before bolting off, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

\---

Cal rushed back to the Nightsister temple, ignoring all his worried thoughts until he could see you with his own eyes. When he reached the massive doors, he was a little surprised to find no one there to meet him. He waited a moment, but his nerves got the better of him as he dared to venture inside. Wandering aimlessly down the expansive halls he nearly began to wonder if something had happened and he was no longer welcome before Merrin appeared from a portal of green mist before him.

The two locked eyes, one seemingly waiting for the other to speak first. Before long, Cal broke the silence, “Where’s…?”

Before he could finish the thought, Merrin waved him off, “She survived”

Relief washed over Cal, just at hearing that simple phrase.

“She also has requested your company”, Merrin sounded a bit more exasperated saying that then Cal would’ve liked, but he ignored it as his old friend stepped aside to reveal one of the very same swirling green portals she and her sisters used to get around, “Come”

Without another word the two stepped into the magick and through to the depths of the labyrinth as easily as one might pass through a doorway. Cal perked up, immediately looking around for you, only to see that Merrin was still walking. He continued to follow through the dark, cavernous sanctuary, a little confused, but not enough to risk out staying his welcome. Thankfully, it wasn’t all that far to Merrin’s private quarters. 

She led him a short distance within the stone, cave like structure before arriving at an archway covered by little more than a culturally unique cloth. Merrin called your name gently and announced herself and Cal before brushing the blanket asie to enter.

You were laying on some sort of stone bed, lined with blankets and propped up with a small pillow. It didn’t seem very comfortable, but you nursed a cup of something, unbothered as you lifted your eyes to see your visitors. Cal lit up, exclaiming your name as he blew past Merrin, sliding to his knees at your side. Slightly embarrassed at the attention, you couldn’t help but smile as Cal processed a thousand things he wanted to say, so many that he couldn't choose what to say first.

To save further spectacle, you glanced up at Merrin, a silent request for a moment alone. Merrin’s gaze rested on the young Jedi for a time, brushing off her ruffled shoulder as she recalled a time when he used to look at her like that. But the moment passed and she caught your gaze, masking her solemn feelings with a small smile and a nod as she saw herself out.

The two of you watched her leave and once he was sure she was out of earshot, Cal whipped back to face you, planting a quick, rough kiss on your lips. The jolt had you nearly spill the concoction you’d been sipping, which you playfully berated Cal for. He smiled and gave a small chuckle before helping you place it on a nearby table.

With that final distraction out of the way, Cal all but jumped up on the tone slab to sit beside you. Wary of your only recently healed injury he pulled you into a gentle, but tight hug, burying his face into the nape of your neck.

“I thought I lost you”, his voice was barely a whisper as he scooted a little closer his warm, soft body nearly flush against you.

For once, you lamented your lack of ability for saying pretty things, so instead you planted a soft kiss to his temple and returned the embrace as well as you could. Besides, he was far warmer and comforting than the threadbare blanket you’d been given. Much to your disappointment, Cal eventually pulled away, but at least had the courtesy to leave his hands to warm your arms before continuing the conversation. 

Cal’s face was serious, but his voice only partly trying to mask the sadness it carried as he asked, “So, I guess this means you’re staying here from now on? I mean, seeing as you almost got killed and all…”, he scratched the back of his neck, clearly still feeling a little guilty.

Truthfully, that notion had never crossed your mind, but you feared the answer just as much as Cal did. “I… Do not know”, you paused a moment. “Would you be disappointed if the answer was yes?”

The young Jedi couldn’t contain his surprise at that, shocked that there was even room for doubt inside your mind, “ _What?_ Of course I would, why wouldn’t I be?”

You bit your lip, “Apologies, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just…”

Cal looked at you expectantly.

“I’ve heard that Jedi aren’t to form such… _attachments_ ”

“Who told you that?”, he argued back, though deep within he knew he shouldn’t.

“...Merrin. Also your mentor, Cere. She mentioned it in passing I believe”

Cal looked away, taking a moment to absorb the information you'd given him. _Is that why Merrin left? For his sake?_ Suddenly he began to wonder if Cere had said something to scare her off, seeing as how you had also just happened to come across this information by way of her mouth. Thankfully, before the anger could boil, he cleared the thoughts and turned back to you.

“And… is that what you want? Space between us?”

Your eyes went wide at the mere thought, “No! Ahem, no not all… I just-”, you broke off, the exact words you needed eluding you. Cal’s look of hope faltered as he began to fear rejection while you struggled to find what to say, perhaps looking for a way to let him down easy. But it was something about that face, the way it and even his posture seemed to fall. Those big, watery eyes and soft, down turned lips. Even the way his freckled skin that you so adored drew tight around the corners of his eyes as he tried desperately to fight back his emotions…

You lifted a hand to his cheek, caressing it with the back of your delicate fingers. He shot a glance down to your hand, then locked eyes back with you. Now that you had his attention, “Cal, you mean the _galaxy_ to me. I know what outsiders think of my people, and I do not blame them for fearing our influence, especially on those dedicated to the light, such as yourself. It’s just, with all that has happened, my sisters need me and while I know I have a duty to them, I also have a duty to myself an-”, you pulled your hand away, and sighed grimacing as the words tumbled out, unsatisfied with how this was coming out so far. “I know I’m not one for words, and I’m not sure if that even makes sense, but what I’m trying to say is… I think I love you, and Jedi or no, I wouldn’t want to waste any more time apart”. You looked into his eyes sincerely, waiting painstakingly for a response, _any_ response.

Cal wiped his eye dry as a smile crept across his face. Without a word, he pulled you in for a kiss, rough and quick, but passionate. He parted just an inch as you both caught your breath, “That’s all I needed to hear”

You managed a huff of laughter before he set on you again, crushing you into the stone a bit, but you could hardly find it in you to complain. Thankfully he laid off a bit, if only to pull you and your blanket into his lap so he could rest against the stone wall behind him, tired but not wanting to relinquish the moment just yet. 

Surprised but pleased at the privilege you’d been given, you sat atop it confidently, your lithe rear settling into his welcoming, plush body. Your slender thighs pressed into his warm, soft sides, desperate to hold on as you pulled him closer. He sat completely still, allowing you to deepen the kiss, almost eagerly receiving the bite of your mouth at his tender lips turning them raw and depleting his breath little by little until it grew heavy enough to demand the two of you to part. Panting softly yourself, you held his heated cheeks in your hands, admiring the cute spray of pink coloring them. Your eyes shifted from his parted mouth to his jade green eyes, staring back at you. With a moment’s consideration, you took the silence as permission for more.

“W-wait…” Cal’s whole torso worked laboriously between your thighs as he tried to catch his breath. You sat back a little, making room for him to wipe a trace of spittle off his lips, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“ _Yes_ ” You leaned in hungrily to pick up where you left off, but Cal pulled away.

“No, I mean, I do too, but if we become us, I can't stay here… Does that make sense?”, Cal looked at you pleadingly, while you tried to decipher what he was saying.

After a moment of mulling over the hurried speech, you came to the conclusion that he was right. If the two of you entered a serious relationship, your sisters would never accept him as a resident near their holy grounds, especially after the last human who’d been here… Besides, it had been explained to you that the galaxy needed as many Jedi as yet remained, yet another reason why he couldn’t spend his days here. And of course, there was also the risk of rejection from your own sisters, should you take up his offer. Would they shun you for choosing a human, a _Jedi_ no less, over them? During your time with Cal and Cere, you’d learned that a Jedi was really no different than anyone else, save for their religious beliefs, but there was no breaking your sisters out of their echo chamber, especially when Merrin seemed so opposed to outsiders of any stripe.

For a moment, your mind settled on her. She was your mentor and perhaps your closest friend, after all. While she had saved your life, and her dedication to reviving the history of your people was noble and admirable… it didn’t cover the jealousy you saw in her eyes. It wasn’t _so_ long ago that she was in your position, emotionally speaking, that is, but that was beside the point. The only resentment Merrin seemed to harbor was towards herself as she had been the first of the two of you to make a choice between her people and the handsome young Jedi. Her choice was clear, and the regret she carried with it, even more so.

Could you really condemn yourself to the same fate?

Once your epiphany had passed, all doubts vanished as you focussed on the young man. You sat quietly, inching a single grey finger towards his burning red hair, while he tried to decide if he should ask you to move or simply stand up and make the decision for you. “ _Cal…_ ”, you combed through the soft strands gently, setting his sides to work again as he tried to pretend he wasn’t getting flustered.

Cal grabbed your wrist suddenly, firm but gentle as he, having finally made up his mind, moved you off. You readjusted your sitting position on the cold, hard Dathomir stone, already missing the warm comfort of his lap. “Look, I’m serious. This is a big decision, for _both_ of us and… who knows, maybe Cere is right”, He refused to meet your eyes, instead shifting around for a more comfortable arrangement now that he’d guided you off of him.

You laid a hand on his belly to support yourself as you leaned in a little closer, growing desperate now more than ever to make him to see reason, “Don’t tell me I can’t love you, when I _do!_ I love my sisters, yes, but I love _you_ more, and that’s something I wouldn’t give for the world”

The skin around Cal’s eyes tightened with something like regret as he turned to look away, giving a frustrated sigh. Unsatisfied with that development, you pinched his chin in your other hand and turned his face back to you. “Why are you doing this _now?_ What more will it take for you to realize the only one keeping us apart right now is _you?_ ”

“It’s not that sim-”

“But it _is!_ You want to talk about how the ‘Jedi’ would disapprove, perhaps even my sisters, but the Jedi are _gone._ The covens and Nightsisters of old are also, _gone._ There is no one around to enforce these, these… _’rules’_ you suddenly seem so desperate to uphold!” Cal winced a little at your words, causing you to backtrack. You took your hands off of him and tried again, “I apologize, I wasn't thinking. But…”, you slipped a hand onto his thigh with a comforting pressure, “Surely you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Cal glanced down at your delicate grey hand, digging pleadingly into his husky thigh, lightly tickling the densely packed accumulation of muscle and fat. He reached down to take your hand in his, rubbing gentle circles on the back of it. “Yeah…”, he took a moment to gather his thoughts, “It’s just, I don’t want us to rush into something we’re not ready for, you know? We know how well that worked out last time”, he slid his knuckle down the curve of your waist, casting a glance to the faded scar peeking through the tattered clothing you hadn't had a chance to replace.

You followed his gaze down, taking his hand in ours as you gently guided it away. “You don’t have to be afraid to lose me”, a grateful smile graced your features as you brought your hands up to rest on your cheek. You reached across to Cal, mirroring the gesture with your other hand “With you at my back, the whole galaxy could never overtake us. I will always be here for you, just as you are for me”

“Ok, now you’re _trying_ to make me cry”, Cal sniffed and wiped at his eyes, his usual smile finally starting to return.

With that, you crept back into his lap to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, before laying comfortably against his front, chin on his shoulder.

“Phew, you know maybe now we’re a thing, now’s a good time to start losing some weight”, Cal rested his splayed hand on his belly, laughing softly somewhere between joking and serious.

You sighed blissfully as you allowed yourself to lay a little more heavily against him. With your eyes still closed and a dream like smile on your face, you nuzzled his soft cheek, “Don’t you dare”

Cal huffed laugh, not expecting that answer, but not unsatisfied with it either. His childish grin softened until it resembled yours, his eyes lidded, as he returned the playful, nudging gesture, “Oh yeah?”

You hummed happily, pulling away just enough for you both to readjust, slowly coming together for a tender ki-

“ _Ahem._ ” Merrin stood on the archway, looking a little displeased if for no other reason then to see you so far out of the restful position she’d left you in. “Am I interrupting?”, she turned snidely to Cal, turning his cheeks pink.

Accepting the fault, you crawled off of the young Jedi and back against your pathetically small and uncomfortable pillow, “Apologies, sister”

Merrin nodded her head, but turned her steely gaze to Calm “Leave us, if you’d please”

Something told Cal that the pseudo Nightmother of a coven did not ask ‘nicely’, let alone twice, so with a curious glance towards you, he rose and exited without argument. Once you were alone, Merrin turned to you, “I believe we need to talk”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I know it's been a while, as usual, but I'm hoping to update a little sooner now that my classes are ending and quarantine continues. The next chapter will probably be the last so this won't drag on too much longer, but I hope you enjoyed this update.
> 
> Stay safe, and as always thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this took forever.
> 
> Sorry for the eternity that you all waited for this, but quarantine has been quite the demotivator. Thankfully all is well here and I think I've found my drive for writing again, so yay! I hope you and yours are doing well too, and thank you again for your patience. 
> 
> But without further ado, please enjoy this last chapter with our cuddly boi :)

Merrin’s icy gaze followed Cal out of the room, waiting till his footsteps recessed into the distance before striding across the floor to you. 

You watched her all the while, rigidly straight as you waited for her to situate herself in the same location Cal had been holding and comforting you just moments before. A stripe of anger flickered in your mind at being berated like a child and having your adorable Jedi chased away during your moment together. 

Had she not saved your life hardly an hour or more ago, you might’ve had some choice words for your friend and mentor.

“Is something bothering you sister?”, Merrin smoothed her skirts as she stared you down, clearly indifferent.

“No, sister”, you looked away demurely.

“Good. As I said, we have matters to discuss”

You reestablished eye contact, putting on an air of humility as you prepared for the worst. 

“Well, first, how are you feeling?” You responded curtly that you were fine. Merrin nodded and then continued, “And have you brought back anything useful from your excursion?” You responded affirmatively again, although this time a bit more hesitantly. “Good. Once you’re healed I’ll need you to log your findings with our records keepers”

You perked up a bit, “That shouldn’t take long at all, I assure you”

“No, it shouldn’t. However, if you think you’ll be leaving with the Jedi once you’re done, I regret to inform you that you are mistaken”

Your heart felt as if it had cracked in two as your face and spirits plummeted. A tense pain radiated outwards from your chest as you struggled to digest what you’d been told. “Wh-what?”, you stuttered out.

“Do you love him?”, Merrin cocked her head, direct as ever, as the rhetorical question hung in the air a moment. “You know just as well as I do what humans have done to our planet, to our _people._ I’m sorry sister, but I... _we_ can’t lose you. Just as much as we can’t have _him_ interfering in our sacred spaces”

“Bu- I-? No!”, was about all you could manage as this nightmare spun further and further out of your control. 

“ _No?_ ”, and suddenly, Merrin shot up from her seat, a fire in her eyes, “Do you so easily deny the damage done to our culture? How about the hundreds of sacrificed lives defending our home from a force the Jedi, _his_ Jedi, led to us? Suddenly you meet a strapping young man who whisks you away from the discomfort and the hardship and now your sisters, your _family,_ mean nothing?”

You leaned back against the rock, a look of shock written on your face as you reeled, trying to take in this unprecedented explosion. Merrin, however, required hardly a moment longer to process what she’d said. She broke eye contact for a moment, looking away with a pained taint to her usually stoic face.

Unfortunately, you were quick to catch on. “Do _you_ deny ever having feelings for him? What makes my feelings anymore condemnable than yours!” the anger you’d been feeling from earlier boiled to the surface again as your brow set itself harshly, turning the lecture around.

Merrin was silent for a long moment, considering your words as the steam seeped out of her once more. Her otherwise blank face transitioned from contemplative to stern, her voice remaining level, “I did love him, yes, and he, I. But, I realised I owed a bigger duty to my people then my _foolish_ heart”, she gave you a pointed look.

“And you want me to believe that you’re happier for it?”, you lowered your voice to match her steady calm, although your face remained just as hostile as before.

At that, a flicker of emotion never before seen by you crossed the aloof sister. The skin around her eyes tightened accompanied by an uncertain twitch in her lip with a sadness powerful enough to nearly make you regret asking. Before you could think to either console her or apologize, the slip of feeling was gone, replaced by her usual steely mask.

“Enough of this. I don’t care _what_ you believe, think whatever you like and hate me if you must, but make no mistake, you will stay here where you belong and I will instruct the Jedi to leave interests of Dathomir to its people” Merrin’s mouth and brow remained hardened, but it wasn’t enough to hide the pain in her eyes as she whipped around to carry out her promise.

\---

Cal sat on the front stairs leading up to the great sanctuary of the sisters, chin in hands, as he watched BD hop around, investigating specks of dust and tiny bugs. He whipped his head around as a wind blew over his shoulder, his mood soaring in the hopes that you had come back for him, only to be disappointed to find the same nothing as the last handful of times he’d checked. 

With a frustrated sigh, he let himself fall onto his back, staring up into the infinite sky. The Dathomiri sun was on its way to evening. It’d been well over an hour since he last saw you, or anyone really. He looked out across his chest, stroking at his leather chestplate absentmindedly. Oh, what he’d give to relive that moment with you forever. He hadn’t had much interaction with women back on Bracca, let alone the degree of intimacy as what he shared with you. 

Of course, half of his issue was self imposed thanks to his precious ‘Jedi code’, but now? Now he had… _different_ feelings on the matter. Did questioning the traditions he was supposed to be protecting mean he was undeserving of Cere’s trust? Of the Order’s? He was a supposed Knight now, after all.

He sniffed, lost in thought until the faint aroma of you found its way to him from the fibers of his rigging suit. _Hm…_ Cal smiled, closing his eyes as the serenity washed over him, letting his head rest back on the stone. How could something that felt so _right_ be so terrible? Would it be so wrong to want just one mo-

“ _Kestus_ ”

Cal shot up clumsily then jumped to his feet, jerked out of his daydream, as Merril boomed a few feet away. “Uh, hey Merril…”, the young Jedi looked from the nightsister to BD uneasily, to which the droid merely warbled uncertainly, pressing flatter against Cal’s back. “Um… Where’s-”

“Busy”, Merrin interjected, “In fact, she will be staying for quite some time, so I’ve come to ask you to lea-”

“Well wait! I mean, how long does it take to jot some notes down? A couple days maybe? At _most?_ ” Merrin opened her mouth to cut him off again, but Cal put his hands up in a bid for more time. “Look, I can go, no problem, just tell me when I can come ba-”

“I would prefer if you did not”, Merrin stood rigidly, a steely gaze etched onto her.

For a moment, the two remained at a silent stalemate. Merrin’s stare never wavering, as Cal nearly crumpled under the weight of her words. _She couldn’t possibly mean that…_

Cal smiled, a laugh nearly escaping from him. No, of course she didn’t _really_ mean that. They were friends after all, right? Stars, she’d even saved his life once, there was no way she truly never wanted him to return...

“Ok, good one. You almost got me”, he relaxed once more and chuckled lightly. 

Merrin did not.

“I’m afraid I’m quite serious”

Cal’s lips zipped tight but his jaw went slack, his face ashen and blood cold.

“You need to leave. As soon as possible, if you could”, Merrin strode past the young Jedi, avoiding the devastation in his eyes, “I need my right hand here, we all do. I know the two of you have grown… _attached,_ but the nightsisters must act in our best interests, now more than ever” 

She cast half a glance over her shoulder. Cal had not moved a muscle. “I hope you understand”

Cal’s stream of thinking erupted from the panic after Merrin had held her resolve after he’d tried to call her bluff. He’d almost dare to say the hurt and confusion racing through his mind nearly rivaled that of the fateful day of order 66. After all this time of being alone, he’d thought he’d finally found a friend to stick it out in the galaxy with. After all they’d been through, up until and even after the holocron business… and _now_ she has chosen to reject him? And if that wasn’t enough, not only had he apparently lost Merrin, but she had to twist the knife by taking you from him too?

 _Why?_ Over and over the question repeated itself in his mind throughout Merrin’s speech until all other thoughts and emotions drained out of him. He felt nothing but a faint flicker that maybe, _maybe_ if he could just say the right thing, persuade her... “But I-”

But as he turned, even that was gone.

Merrin had left.

\---

You sat deep in the bowels of the sacred city of your sisters, scribbling dutifully as you recounted the relevant information of your journey. _Where to begin, where to begin…_ The grief from Merrin’s decree still hung heavy over you, stifling your mind from thoughts of any other subject. You gave your head a shake, setting your face with determination to begin your transcribing, even as a lone tear escaped your eye.

With a curt sigh, you began on Bogano, detailing the landscape of the planet and all the creatures you saw, mentioning their names and weaknesses if you could. You wrote about the route you were led on, over the gaping chasms, along the rocks, past the lost remnants of some sort of outpost here and there. At that you added a small addendum about the Jedi researcher who had made his home there as well as what you knew of his findings and the far reaches of his travels. _What was his name again…?_ You recalled that Cal had tol-

Your focus wavered, that same wave of sadness washing over you. _Cordova._ You jotted down sadly, not bothering to try and recall his first name.

Finally you got around to your time against the Ogdo, capturing as much detail as you could right up until you were caught by its tongue and Cal sav- You stopped writing. _And after that you spent the night cuddling through the cold. Then the next morning you shared breakfast together, and you teased him much later for how much he ate._ You smiled, almost surrendering a laugh when you recalled how annoyed he was at you for that. And to think, as foreign as it was to you, you’d now grown to love the little extra wei-

Just as quickly as it came, the smile disappeared and your mood returned to its typical somber state, desperate to not fall back into distraction. You scratched out the part where Cal saved you, deeming it irrelevant, and simply mentioned that the beast was susceptible to lightsabers.

_Next part…_

You quickly jumped into writing about your time on Zeffo, desperate to bury your feelings in ink. To reinforce your tactic, you went into as much detail about the planet, the animals, the climate, the bounty hunters,

_how Cal saved you again_

the Empire, the Stormtroopers, the Purge troopers,

The Zeffo culture, the Zeffo tomb, the Guardian droids…

By now your vision had become far too blurred by the tears you were fighting back to possibly continue writing. You dropped the stylus and gave into defeat, hanging your head in your hands as you finally allowed the tears to flow freely. Somewhere along the way you’d stopped scribbling out your more personal interactions with Cal that had managed to creep into your account, finding it too unbearable at the moment to strike them out. 

Perhaps you could just write them on a different parchment to keep for yourself? For a moment, you considered it quite seriously, even collecting yourself enough to grab for a sheet. You stopped. _Why bother?_ Would it truly be _less_ painful to have a collection of rare times you felt _truly_ happy, to set a constant reminder that you could never attain a feeling like it again?

You bit your lip to keep it from trembling as more tears streamed down your face.

 _But why? Why did it have to be this way?_ You slammed your fists on the shabby table, your tears suddenly turning hot as all your sorrow converted to anger. You shot to your feet, the chair you'd been sitting on clattered to the ground. A shriek bursted out of you, born from your frustration. You set your eyes on the pages and pages of documents that you’d spent stars know how many hours pouring over and perfecting. With a snarl, a green glow emitted from your hands and a second later the pages erupted into flame. 

You watched them burn until there was nothing left.

Once you’d realised what you’d done, a panic set over you. _What would Merrin say to such an outburst?_ You thought it over a moment and then realised… You didn’t care.

Suddenly, you felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted from you. Your mind felt clear, _peaceful_ , even. As if for the first time, a thought occurred to you. What was keeping you, truly, from simply… _leaving?_ Merrin was not so all powerful so as to keep you here against your will, especially if you made up your mind to walk away. She talked a good talk, for sure, but ultimately each nightsister was within her rights to abandon the Coven if they so choose. Merrin, in all her righteousness, could not deny that.

It came with the price that you could never return and be accepted as one of them again, true, but… Did you _really_ even want this life? Merrin and your sister’s cause was noble, but a part of you whispered and pleaded that there was simply so much _more_ for you out there.

Your mind drifted to the beautiful overcast skys and calm waters of Zefo. The bright, open space and small critters of Bogano. The variety of suns and stars on each planet. You smiled as a memory of Cal pointing out all the constellations and distant nebulas on Zefo came about from the previous thought. You remembered the way his smooth, strangely colored skin glowed in the moonlight and how you found the ethereal halo around him so, _far_ more interesting and distracting than the stars and sky above.

You remembered how the sun reflected off his emerald eyes, and how lost you could get in their deep infinity. How his hair blazed in the yellow light of Bogano, so strange and yet so uniquely… _him._ You laughed to yourself as you recalled the time you’d clumsily asked if his hair was, quite literally, on fire. It so perfectly matched his personality, after all. His bravery in the face of unlikely odds, his determination to see through whatever he’d put his mind to, his _passion._ For justice. For the well being of his friends and those close to him. 

For _you._

Stars, what you wouldn’t give to be lifted and held tight by those muscular arms one more time…

But why just _once?_ What about every day? Every _night…_

You shivered, just enough to pull you out of your daydream. A determined smile cracked your serious facade. You looked back at the charcoal remnants of parchment and scorched table top, then over your shoulder to the carved out archway in the rock leading out of your small scribe room. You bolted, grabbing your bow on the way out, not stopping for anything more.

Your mind was made up.

\---

You raced through the undercity, using your magicks to cut portals here and there to give yourself cover when you could. Perhaps your one regret from leaving would be that you might never learn to master teleportation like Merrin had, but then again, you were quite proud enough of your skills elsewhere. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, you reached the planet’s surface. The moon hung high in the sky and you started at the realisation that it had been nearly a standard 24 hours since Cal had been sent away.

With a surge of desperation you charged down the steps of the sacred temple, bounding across the jagged terrain as you looked around widely for your young Jedi. _What if you were too late?_ Surely Merrin had given her message to leave by now. And yet… a part of you found it hard to believe that the Cal you knew would give in and give you up so easily.

A resurgence of vigor filled you at the thought. After all, you could only know for sure once you reached the Mantis’ landing zone. You continued running the long trek until, in the distance, you thought you heard a familiar sound. As you closed the distance, the sound was matched to the sight of Cal’s saber, glowing brilliantly as it slashed back and forth.

For a moment you paused in confusion until you made out a venerable pile of freshly fallen undead. The desire to assist tugged at you, but Cal’s stance told you that the fighting was done. Without a word you took up your sprinting pace once more, so great was your desire to be reunited. Within a moment you were nearly within reach of him as he whirled on you, saber raised to strike and a wild look in his eye that, if you didn’t know better, would've told you that you were seconds away from joining the corpses on the ground.

You slid to a stop, frozen in fear as you locked eyes. At the sight of you, all the tension and hatred melted out of his gaze. 

Cal swore under his breath, and deactivated his saber, _finally_ clearing the harsh lighting from his kind, soft features. “Force, you scared me”, he gave half a laugh and a lopsided smile.

“I was about to say the same”, you smiled back.

He shuffled his feet and holstered his saber as a brief silence fell over you. You looked down at the bodies and noticed they were hacked to pieces, far beyond what would’ve sufficed for dispelling them.

You looked back at Cal and caught his gaze trialing back up to you from the corpses, a faint look of guilt keeping him from maintaining eye contact with you.

“I suppose sister Merrin has told you to leave by now...”

“You could say that”, Cal placed his hands on his hips, trying to give the impression of stoicism, “I thought she locked you away in her little dungeon”

You winced at the spite in his voice, but chose to not touch on it. Instead you offered another, slight smile, “She did. I had other plans”, you fixed him with a meaningful look.

Cal caught your gaze and couldn’t stop himself from smiling back, though he still refused to turn his head back to you. You took a step closer, deciding that wouldn’t do. “You’re bleeding”, you took his jaw in your hand and thumbed at a scratch across his cheek.

He covered your hand with his own, stroking the length of your finger gently, “Nothing a little stim can’t fix” Finally trusting that you held no ill will against him, the corners of his eyes crinkled the way that you loved.

You looked from his eyes to the slight part of his perfectly soft lips, then back again. Without waiting for permission, you closed the last couple inches between you.

“Wait”, the condensation of his warm breath caressed your lips before you could establish the connection, making it all the more difficult to obey the request.

Cal’s arms shot out to the sides sending out a powerful blast of the force that flung away all the death and anger back to the shadows. After that display, the excitement inside you grew nearly unbearable until _finally_ the young Jedi pulled you roughly against him, just as deep in anticipation.

A few fleeting seconds later, you parted. Cal however didn’t release his grip on you, instead pulling you into some sort of full body squeeze. After a moment of confusion, you concluded that this must be some strange sort of expression of human affection and did your best to mirror his actions. 

“Merrin told me I’d never see you again”, Cal’s voice was quiet, hardly above a whisper, as it quivered uncertainly against your ear. “A-are you staying here then?”

The pain it caused you to hear that he could honestly believe such a thing nearly put you to tears as well. You pulled back just enough to hold his head in your hands, “ _Never_ ”, you kissed his lips once, quickly, as though to seal the promise. 

“All my life I’ve wanted to do something… _more._ Beyond my coven, beyond this planet even. I just didn't know how until I met you”, you offered a sincere smile. “Though we do not see eye to eye in all things, I respect Merrin and my sisters for their cause, but I believe you follow a path just as important, and I want to be there with you every step of the way”, you gave his head a gentle bounce to emphasise your words.

Cal rose to his full height, wiping away the tears that were starting to form. “Wow, I- Thank you, really I mean it”, he ran a hand through his hair, trying to process the weight of what you’d just said to him. You were glad he took this as seriously as yourself. “It’s just… Won’t Merr-?”

“Won’t I what?”, As befitting her usual self, Merrin appeared in a green portal just a stone's throw away.

You started, but immediately after began to jump into a prepared declaration of independence.

“Peace, sister”, Merrin held up a hand, silencing you out of confusion more than anything else. “I may have overheard how you feel, and… I’ve thought about what you said, beforehand”

“I… take it that means you're not here to stop us?”, Cal questioned hesitantly. 

“No, quite the opposite in fact” She turned to you, “Sister, before I see you off, I must apologize. You’re right, I do value our cause, so much so that I fear it’s blinded me from my duties as leader. As would be nightmother it is only my place to guide my sisters, not control them to my will. Clearly I have much left to learn”

You stood a moment eyeing her, but… she had given you no reason as of yet to not trust in her sincerity. After all, if she wanted to whisk you away back to the undercity, it was well within her skill to do so. Besides, truthfully, you _wanted_ to be angry for all that she’d said and put you, not to mention Cal, through. And yet… you found yourself offering a respectful nod in response. Merrin gave a rare smile of relief to see you accept her apology, however begrudgingly, before turning to Cal.

“And Cal…”, her face softened almost uncharacteristically so, but was soon followed by a sad smile, “I realise it is perhaps far too late for this, but I am… _sorry_ things did not work out. It would seem fate had different paths for us. I am willing to accept that it may be too much to expect your forgiveness, but if nothing else, I would humbly request that you take care of my sister in your travels together. If not for me, then for her” She shot you a small smile.

Cal grinned back, pulling you a little closer to his side, “I will”

Merrin sighed in satisfaction, “Good. Then I give you my blessing, for whatever it’s worth. You are both of course welcome to return should your paths return you here. May the Force be with you, as you say” Merrin took a step back, pleased to be parting on seemingly pleasant terms. Her hands glowed as she prepared a portal for herself.

“Oh, and Merrin”, Cal called quickly. She looked up. “I forgive you”

The green mist had since begun to swallow her, but enough remained that you could make out the grateful beam of joy written on her face. She gave a small bow, then she was gone.

Once you were both left alone, you stood reeling for a moment, both equally surprised at what had transpired. You however were the first to regain your senses, and in the throws of joy jumped into Cal’s arms. He barely caught you, stumbling slightly, but finding footing enough to give you a little spin. You kissed once more and he set you down, still in near disbelief.

You gave him a smirk as you grabbed his hand, pulling slowly away before turning and darting towards the Mantis with him in tow.

\---

After a night’s rest and a quick catch up to Cere and Greez, you and your young Knight felt ready to continue your journey. _Together._ Cal leaned over the navicomputer, looking over to you right beside him. 

“So,” he placed a strong, callused hand gently over yours, “where to next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, but before you get to the comment section, I just want to put in a little side note to apologize for any perceived Merrin bashing towards the end here. It wasn't really my intent as I do actually really like and can relate to her character, so I hope her little redemption at the end was satisfactory. I tried my best, and my writing skills are a little rusty.
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


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